So. Dropped my phone and cracked the screen. Pro tips:
(1) Don’t just pop down to your local U Break I Fix without FIRST filing an Asurion claim.
(2) Don’t forget you set up two-factor authentication on everything, so don’t just pop over to the local Verizon store (assuming it’s still where it always was, because guess what? No Google maps for you!) to try file your Asurion claim. Just go straight back home.
(3) If you’re pretty sure the problem is only the screen, on the Asurion website, don’t answer the question “Can you take photos?” honestly by saying “No” (because… broken screen, duh), because, when you do, Asurion will lock in to replacing your phone AND YOU GET NO CHANCE TO BACK UP AND CHANGE YOUR ANSWER OR EVEN CANCEL THE CLAIM.
(4) If you call Verizon to ask for help and say “Hey, I’m having trouble with my ASURION claim at the ASURION (phoneclaim.com) website because the ASURION software won’t let me back up and change my answer,” the first thing they will do is hit their F7 key or whatever it is that says “Hey, just a heads up, Asurion handles all our damage claims now. ^_^”. (<foreheadSlap/>)
(5) Don’t even bother calling Asurion on your own phone with the broken screen that still works fine with bluetooth and voice recognition because they will want you to TYPE IN YOUR PHONE NUMBER, and when you don’t, they hang up on you w/out giving you the chance to talk to a human operator. Just go ahead and borrow somebody’s phone or call from a landline THAT’S NOT A ROTARY PHONE (I know that’s probably not an issue these days, but, hey, we’re in the land of broken phones now).